Regrets for life

Music: Valkyrie Profile Lenneth – Doorway to Heaven
Mood: I’m all over the place XD
Random Note: I define cheap shit.

Here I am 2 days before school starts.

It is all so exciting and weird how my choices have lead me to such a day where I have to face what I deemed to be ‘the time of my life’ feeling all so cheap about myself.

I’m never going to be able to respect myself because of some answers that I’ll never be able to find. It’s a pretty complicated issue.

You know how many people can just move on in life when they have something good to hold onto and focus their attention on? It sucks when they assume I can do it.

Maybe sometimes I cling on tight in so much hope that they will help me out and get me moving...? I do not know, and honestly I cannot blame anyone or anything for that matter now can I?

However, I have also made a deal to seal this forever within me with respect to what I have always deemed important. Yesterday will indeed be my last time exposing my sensitive side to anyone because I’m so messed up inside, no one can ever find out and cause me harm again.

I feel that I have played the roles of some ass that have taught people lessons in life. I am that cheap freak that people can just pick up and use without having to fear of any consequences. Happens at work all the time and that was fine.

Never did I, however, expect that the closest of people will be able to have such a freaking negative impact on me.

I have to move on because I need to be responsible towards my family and friends. That however, does not mean I am able to find peace because every single moment of my life now I am struggling to seek an answer that is forever lost in time. I f.ing hate myself to the guts for the moment and always will continue to be.

I’ve never felt so disgusted at myself ever. CHEAPNESS FOR THE WIN! WOOHOOO!

Cheers,
Ah Jon