Saturday+Home

Music: Nena - 99 Red Balloons
Mood: Great, Awake!
Random Note: I LOVE THIS SONG! O-- 0-- O-- = 3 x balloo0nz~

It's been a good day! I'm suprised at how awesome I'm actually feeling today.

It's been a day of shopping for grocery, reading my notes and cooking soup for dinner!

First thing I did was to check if my best pal was online, chatted with her over the webby cam before I headed out to buy stuffs for the entire week!

Man, I LOVE supermarkets...

I missed my grandmother's soup a lot, so I decided to pick up some pickles and cook some 'sze-chuan cai tang' XD It was somewhat nice, but still no grandma's lovely touch.

I AM SO OBSESSED WITH MY CAMERA! I feel like I actually missed out so much of my past because I never took enough photos. Now I am like at status "tourist". I take my camera and take everything XD Even my meals <-- Lols at that! =D

(I'll post pictures up soon, once I get enough stuff)

Today, things worked out well. I am feeling that energy again; that something that kicks me up and make me want to push forward. It is great to feel so alive! Not to mention how this is actually going to so help me get focused on getting work done~

Have 3 upcoming assessments~ It's gonna be a tough 2 weeks ahead! Here is wishing meself all the best man. I hope everyone back home is doing great (stressful probably, but hey...great can be both stressful + good. Trust me on this XD).

Ah Jon

Time

Music: Nil
Mood: In pain and miserable still...
Random Note: I dreamt of my family AGAIN XD

I got this chain letter from a friend. Found it to be nice so here goes:

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: 'Daddy, may I ask you a question?'

DAD: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the man.

SON: 'Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the man said angrily.

SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'

DAD: 'If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'

SON: 'Oh,' ... the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: 'Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.'

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you daddy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father..

'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.

'Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

----------------------------

It is disappointing how we all do not make enough effort to spend time with each other whenever we actually can afford to. I was just talking to my best pal yesterday and he tells me that he hasn't seen Sonia since the day I left for Sydney.

Oddly enough, I got a letter from Sonia telling me how busy Jeremy is with NS.

I still remembered that before I left for my studies, Sonia told me how lucky I was to have X with me on this trip, that I will have all the entertainment I'll need because he was the best.

Well X has gone off for his activity for the evening, and he'll be off to his activity for tomorrow as well. All I ever got was "unless you want to spend 25 bucks" to go to an anime convention, and that doesn't even sound like an invitation.

Am I really that poor a person to hang out with? I mean it's either I am so not interesting, or I am just a poor person whom doesn't deserve to have friends just because I cannot afford to go out as often.

And this awesome neck pain is just not helping me. I've been walking around the house with my head tilted 1/4 way because I cannot straighten it.

I miss having someone to at least allow myself to complain to in person.

Now I just feel like crying but I think I'll go do my accounting and econometrics.

Ah Jon

What A Strange Dream!

Music: Ayumi Hamasaki - Endless Sorrow
Mood: Amazed and wierd XD
Random Note: I squished a cockroach with my barehands!

I had such a strange dream last nite! Okay I HAVE to jog it down before I go busy myself with random things~

I dreamt that my cousins were here with me in Sydney and so were my family XD It is so strange I tell you!

Then there was jx going around with me looking for an apartment and then there was this beautiful unit for rent at 250 and I was like going wtf (because it is cheaper than mine currently) and there was this beach dude talking to my cousins and...

OMG so strange!!! (But fun duh!)

Ah Jon

Posting Time

Music: Hannah Montana - Nobody's Perfect
Mood: Energetic
Random Note: Omg I'm In Sydney!

I've been away and not updated for a while! Appolagies for the absence (not that I'm really sure if anyone reads this)~

(Oh what the heck it's for myself XD)

I went to Leanne and Simon's wedding last weekend @ Darling Harbour. Thanks to aunty Bee, I've gotten to experience what weddings are like in Aussie! I must say it was fun! Got to meet some people (Eva and her husband whom are both students @ USYD too), and had a good meal!

I thought hard about how each and everyone close to me was going to get married one day. It made me smile. Then I realised it really wasn't anymore about me, paused a while, and continued to smile.

That was when I actually knew that I can move on because I have faith that with a family, life will bring the complete experience for everyone! I suddenly realised the importance of making it for a wedding; it really isn't just about the event, but the opportunity for myself to be there one more time for another person's life.

Afterall, I do not really foresee any guest at weddings to be as important as the person they are going to spend the rest of their lives with! I just hope that when the time comes, I will be able to make it for the moment.

May there be love for everyone~ Haha!

And I've finally gotten my camera from home! Apparently my aunt and mum bought me a new digital camera, and I tell you it rox! Never in my life have I owned a camera~ It is strange because I was always looking for pieces of memories to keep, but never got to own such an important piece of technology!

I'll go around snapping more shots when I am able to! Man...so many things I want to take pictures of/with!

I had dinner with a bunch of friends yesterday night! I wanted to know more about other people, and it is really just so difficult to get to know people during lessons.

Here are some shots (from my awesome camera!!!!):





















Lu (short for Luciana) is the first person I took initiative to talk to (had no idea where my courage came from XD)! She was quite lost @ the bus stop during my first week to school (t'was a thursday) and well, I decided to talk and hey~ I've a new friend! She's from Brazil, and she's doing her masters in Psychology now.

The new guy is Kenn, and he's from SG! Well, X and him are good otaku mates~ and he's doing his bachelor in science now~

Man I want to know so much more about other people I've met! I think I'm going to go scare them a little with my new AWESOME camera (yes, I'm using caps!)~

School is getting really tough. I'm actually finding it hard to catch up with others, but I'll still be continuing to give my very best! All the work is just flowing in and...zzz...XD

I'm going to stop myself here for now, so that I have some extra time for doing e-mails~ Till next time!

Ah Jon

Work Work~

Music: Ayumi Hamasaki - Glitter
Mood: Awake & Alive!
Random Note: I like free stuffs. A lot.

I've just awakened from a 7 hour nap o.o!!!

Okay, so mondays are really tiring because for 6 consecutive hours I will be running to attend lectures and tutorials with 0 breaks in between.

Nonetheless, to do some good updates here before I head off to do some self-study!

I've been pretty lazy so the house is in quite a mess now. Mostly because I realized that I have a lot of reading to do, that is why I'm ignoring the 'must be clean' side of me XD There have been quite a number of crawlies in the house, and I better get to cleaning before the weekend comes! X and I will be attending a wedding function this saturday @ Darling Harbour~ Kinda looking forward to it because it seems like it is going to be something new!

(Probably rare too, I mean come on who will invite us other than our really close friends whom mostly refuse / will not be able to get married soon due to circumstances?? And I know a certain someone will beg to differ, but hey you are defintiely not part of this paragraph pal hehe~!)

Also, we caught Watchmen over the weekend at the IMAX theatre! Firstly, WOW at the screen size! Amazingly, it did not make me dizzy! Awesome thingy man...And the movie was quite impressive, with an excellent introduction credits! I mean for someone like myself whom always cannot catch what others are saying/ what is happening, I actually understood what the relations were about from that intro! XD Yay me!

X also intro-ed me to his friend Ken, whom he labels as 'more otaku' than himself XD Haha! It was fun and nice to meet someone back from home, and does not actually behave like he is from SG. He assumes ammulating the American accent from watching many TV shows back home~ Sometimes I do feel embaress acting so SG because everyone around me is just so Ang Mo, you know?

We finally got internet! So along with it comes much chatting with people and less of the loneliness~!

Well, so much for short updates! I guess I'll be visiting here again to sum up some thoughts when I have the time + remember to! Till then everyone~

Ah Jon

Doors

Music: Olivia Ong – All Out Of Love
Mood: Terribly Depressed
Random Note: It is so cold.

It is exactly 3 am and I am unable to get back to sleep. I was awakened by a huge 'boom' sound.

I’ve had a really rough day at school. You know, one of those days when everything seems too big for you to handle? Well it really sucks.

I really wish there was somewhere I can pour out my troubles to. I am way passed the stage of fear and pain, and that is how I actually managed to get myself on to do an entry. I figured that there will always be this mean to get some steam out of my system. And honestly, I miss so many things tonight…

I am a natural worrier, and this becomes prominent whenever I am down. I am still learning how to give things time, space and chance. I assessed the possibilities of reaching this goal, and figured that I have to be able to close the doors to emotions. I cannot allow myself to feel, because that is my greatest weakness.

I just feel that I have messed up big time. It is almost like the inside of me lies this really untidy and wrecked party room, and I am just shoving everybody out of the door, and figuring out so hard how to clean up the place. I am so tired…and I am just drowning in the garbage.

No one can come in because the doors are locked. I do feel comforted though, because I know my little party room exists. I am not rich enough to hire a cleaner to help me out. All I can do is to wait for the moment to come when I will regain my common senses. I am cold and worn out, and all I want is just a paracetamol to remove the pain…

Guess I should stock up on pain killers XD

I will be trying to do some catching up on school work today. Need to seriously mug back the past 2 weeks worth of work. I want to get that grade I have set out for. Just wish my mind will be able to absorb the knowledge necessary.

I will be trying to move around by myself one of these days! They city is so vibrant and there is so much to see~ Till next time again I guess.

Ah Jon

Deep In Thought

Music: Kim Junsung – Granado Espada
Mood: Positive & Worried (How do they get together, I have no real idea XD)
Random Note: I‘m not ready to eat a kangaroo

Today I decided that I must wake up real early to do an entry.

The past few days of lessons have been really taxing! I mean apart from the fact that I tried to pack everything together in 3 days (which meant that I needed to do 5-6 hours of consecutive lessons daily), the lack of internet (it is not here yet as I speak) + text books + printer is kind of driving me insane. There is so much information to absorb…

People-wise, I must say I haven’t been able to really make any friends yet. I mean I do talk to people and some of them are pretty nice, but everyone seems to have their own clicks.

I have a very diverse project group (by that I mean people with different mindsets) for one of my modules and that worries me. I want to try to make the best of it though.

Clubs and societies have yet to start organizing many activities yet, so there is still room to make progress there I guess. I am trying hard to make friends in smaller tutorial groups and remedial sessions (they call it PASS programs).

I finally met 2 random Singaporeans! PEOPLE FROM HOME! T.T Okay, and the really amazing part was that this happened after 6 hours of consecutive lessons (which meant I was totally trying to switch off). Stephanie and Francesca came up to me and said “hi”~ =) I was so happy to finally be able to talk a little more naturally! I sincerely thank them 2 for making that historical moment of ‘breaking’ the human barrier~ (hey this is important to me).

Finally, the most interesting and happy thing on top of all these, I am definitely glad that most of the people I’ve met thought that I was less than 20 XD! Oh yeah!

X and I are slowly getting swarmed with work from school, but we are currently still making some time to watch shows and relax together at home. He’s making dinner sometimes now, and hey! That is a good start for me I guess (that way people will not have to worry too much about me wasting too much time cooking). However, he definitely still has a lot to learn about the kitchen i.e. washing, taking care of equipment etc.

At this point in time, I want to bring out something that I am genuinely concerned about. I do not know if I am too meddlesome for my own good. I can look at situations sometimes and pick out flaws that are ‘obvious’ to myself. In doing so, however, I tend to make my comments and try to make changes to it. After that I will feel terrible because I do not know if I have distanced a relationship…

I am afraid of probing into other people’s business because I hold a real concern for them (this applies to anyone reading this right now). If you actually put me out into the real world, I probably do not hold back my punches as much. Somewhere out there, I am sure someone thinks of me as a stuck up nervous bastard whom just wants to be right all the time.

In the end, all that I am left with the only option of losing a person I really care about because they go on their way with anger that I did not wish for. And I cannot help but always feel that I have made mistakes that I can never undo.

Fact remains that all I ever wanted was just to be safe and made sure things were going to be okay.

(This feels so familiar; I actually think I have had such an entry before in my last blogs.)

I just have to deal with myself on this matter yeah? Well, till next time!

Ah Jon

The Real School Begins!

Music: Hannah Montana - Just Like You
Mood: Hysterical
Random Note: Sydney has more than 50 Suburbs??

Okay, so here I am getting ready for $serious business$ school, and all is going to be fun and fine!

Reality checks:
- It is NOT easier in Australia! I'm actually afraid of so many things~
- There is so much information to be compiled and stored into my tiny little brain
- It is going to be tough making close friends in University (doesn't mean I'm about to give up! It's all about the difference in culture)
- I need to be more hardworking (I think)
- There is no way I can survive without working during my stay in Sydney~! So much I want but cannot afford...

There has been lots of things going on. Lemme slowly recall all the interesting ones ar~ (I'm sorry I didn't log em all down again dang! DISCIPLINE!!! I NEED PLX!)

Our arpartment is slowly falling into place with pieces of furnitures flowing into the house (tables, beds, chairs, stuff xD). I like setting up a house so much that I actually enjoyed the process haha! =D And we finally have decent music equipment in the house man...omg. *Misses MEGAWORKS T.T*

X and I actually went for the Mardie Gras Festival yesterday nite! So we were feeling a little adventourous, and wow it was an experience! I've never seen so many 1/2 naked people posing and having fun together before. We didn't go for the party and I told myself the next time I go for this annual event, I am so going to try to make the best of it (like totally take photos and all bcuz I ain't got no camera arrgh!).

Cooking feels like it is becoming a chore, but I'm still loving it because nothing beats the price and experience of doing my own meals! It does enable me to save more money this way~ Please let me continue to be able to do so for as long as I'm able to XD

I want to do so much more and I am kinda panicky because I do not know where and how to start. So I decieded that I must keep reading whenever I have the time~ Let's see how long I'll last with this arrangement.

I'm almost done with using the internet at Gloria Jeans for the day, and will be headed home to do some text reading before school starts tomorrow. Till next time!

Ah Jon

P.S. X and I will be starting a facebook group to log our sydney experience. Wonder if it will work~ Hmm...

Before I Leave~

Music: Some random radio track!
Mood: Good
Random Note: I am really hungry.

I managed to buy 2 of my text books today! Couldn't get the other 2 because there wasn't enough money in my bank account T.T Super sad...

Anyyyyyways, am gonna head off home now peeps! Just before I run, can i request for everyone's blog again? Perhaps drop me an e-mail or leave a mark here because this PC did not have a copy of my favourites (which was where all your active blog addresses were).

Thanks a lot yo! Take care everyone, till next entry~

Ah Jon

End of a chapter

Music: Olivia Ong – All Out Of Love
Mood: Mixture of sadness, rage and motivation (So cannot find the word I need)
Random Note: I think I'm hungry all the time XD

You all ready for a long entry? Read on if you want to try and understand what is on my mind.

There are many things in life that I am still learning about. I am convinced that there are ugly sides of human nature, and that we can never be too sure about ourselves as we are all given the free will to do whatever we want.

This is the first week at which I have studied at the University of Sydney! I honestly still love my school so much, but at the same time I am a little overwhelmed by the amount of work I will soon be faced with. It has been a while since I really worked my brain out.

My lecturers are all ‘international citizens’, from all over the world! It is going to be interesting receiving knowledge from them. Here’s a note to myself to work hard and make more friends~

Throughout the 3 weeks since I set foot on Sydney, I guess tonight is one of which I am very awake and sure of what I feel. This blog should comprise of what I had been doing (so as to update all of you my precious people), as well as some of the deepest emotions that I have (that is to relieve myself of stress). This is why only certain people can have access to it, because having a sensitive side will always be my greatest weakness when it comes to getting down to business.

I have always felt the need to conclude my chapter of “friendship” eventually, when everyone actually goes on to live their life. This is where I revisit my state of neutrality and allow myself to push forward. X always says that I tend to make negative visions in my mind happen in real life.

The truth is, I do not see the above as something bad. I want everyone that I had ever cared about to be able to live the life that they want, and find that happiness that they seek (this is definitely not the first time I am saying this). Everybody whom has access to this entry here definitely has the maturity level to understand what I mean by happiness (be it for relationships, religion, money or whatever else you can think of).

Strange thing is I always believed that I will be able to do the right thing when it came to deciding for anything with friends. These included:

- Giving them the space they need
- Giving them what they need to the best of my abilities
- Being there for them whenever they need someone
- Being there with them for what matters to them most
- Providing anything else that they lack when they want it

My motivation came somewhere from “hey, I can be this guy that will bring little pieces of happiness to other people’s lives”. This goes concurrent with what I am: just wanting to do my best. Reflecting back on what I had been doing, I figured some aspects that maybe some of you might have experienced:

- I was probably biased on many occasions
- I did not allow space for some of you because I just want to be there for the moment
- I was not there when some of you really needed me to be because I gave myself an excuse
- I was very sure of what you wanted even though you did not ask for it
- I keep having these ‘one big family’ ideas which you might not have/have wanted
- I do not admit that I am wrong when you think I am

Honestly, the list can go on.

My life has been very fine. Though I was never the favorite child in my family, I felt love. I was never loved by anyone outside, but I had the best of what friendship could offer (I do not know what else it could offer but it has definitely provided me with everything I thought of). I was well taken care of by all my relatives even though I was not exactly the best kid at home. My cousins always made it right for me whenever I seem to be “not able to make it”. I basically got what I wanted and never had to really worry much (looking back now, I did worry too much). I am a simple person whom can be very satisfied based on emotional support.

There are also the sides of me that were not as fine. I know that my family has a problematic person and that taught me valuable lessons. I know that I compromise myself in many situations because of what others want. I am always giving myself responsibilities for actions, whether they were mine or not to bear. It was all about what I perceived, without actually realizing how much I am giving up / putting at risk over time. I put ‘greater meaning’ into all my relationships without realizing that maybe other people do not want to / will not see it.

My perception of life is not all that happy. “Life’s like this, so what matters most” is always on my mind because I know I cannot handle everything (hence the choice of focusing on my niches as often as I can). I often see opportunities together with conclusions, which meant that everything had to have an ending. I believe I only get one shot at some things in life, and that it is a straight line to the finish. I fear loneliness but do not dare to commit because I feel that I am never good enough for anybody (hence my additional efforts to friendship). I know the time will come when I have to fight my own battles and that no one will be there for me because friends will have to go on their paths in life. I cannot guarantee that our paths can continue to be side by side even though I really want them to (most of you probably have a relationship by now and we have all seen how that can become a ‘way of life’).

The truth I have to bear is that humans make mistakes, sometimes only realizing it when it becomes too late. My personality, the kind that keeps me very safe, is something that most of you will agree to be something very useful in the world because it gets work done. Sometimes, that is still not enough. Chunz have made mistakes, some of them that I will never be able to forgive myself for. My natural passion for the ideal friendship makes me vulnerable to other people’s ideas. There may not have been any greater meaning for all I know, because everything is just on an emotional level that is scaled by me.

The good news for me is that I have been able to see the progress that people have made in their lives. My best reward was to be given moments that I want to be there for. I get to see people I care about making progress and becoming what they want to be.

I have come to the end of my current chapter with my friends. I thought hard about each and everyone of you, and I can safely say all of you can move on with or without me by your side. As much as I want to be part of your lives, I know I cannot be (at least for now). Somehow, there comes this combination of emotions. I want someone to shout to me “I am going to be with you, go on and take the leap”, but I just feel so lonely.

I have to face my fear of losing this self-painted picture of what mattered most to me, what motivated me for 10 years of my life. It is true how much energy one can derive from having appropriate emotional support (I am amazed at what I have done for some of you). However, right now at this present moment, I am afraid I cannot be anything more than just a human being whose path has crossed with others.

I feel very lost not because I do not know where to go, but because I feel that I have lost the sources of energy that kept my passion alive. Over time, I gave the conclusion for relationships with everyone…which was something that I never told anyone (not even my best friends). I saw the ending and had to just painfully remove certain of the responsibilities I enjoyed having which was what I felt I was living for (it is all still so emotional on the level though). I am afraid of getting hurt if I invested more and affected what was important to them, or in some cases to even affect their relationship with the article they are faced with.

Slowly over time, this will all seem so small~ we are living in a world that moves faster than what I can perceive (it only takes 24 hours for the earth to make a complete spin, covering more mileage than what I know). I am due for making progress academically, and I am still me when it comes to being the best of what I can. I have returned to becoming neutral, and I am not going to step through the doors of my emotions as often now. I cannot make people walk with me because I care for them, thus the choice of being what they want to be in life. I can no longer volunteer myself to be there for moments I want.

This is a chapter well concluded (with burdens I have to bear for times I cannot see ending to).

My best gal pal told me that I am not making enough entries about how I am doing, and I was just skimming through my entries (goodness, the amount of updates I am giving other people can make them really worried while telling them virtually nothing at all). Guess I need to get back to what I set out for: this blog to keep track of my beautiful journey in Sydney! I will try to update as often as I can about my progress more objectively.

Give me some time; I am learning how to cope with issues that need this element.

Ah Jon