Bad Day

Music: Lady Gaga & Beyonce - Telephone
Mood: Poor
Random Note: Relationships are a little overrated somedays.

Today was a terrible day.

I've been really occupied with my school work over the past weeks. It's just that I feel that I am not performing up to my expectations, and that my mind just isn't in the right place.

The only times I've found peace and allowed my mind to rest were:
- playing Telephone on loop on my mp3
- counting numbers in my head while staring blankly into space

Sounds so emo but hey, I get to express whatever I want to on my own blog yeah?

I'm feeling, as of late, increasingly difficult to juggle with my life. I'm having great issues handling people, and I'm not catching up fast enough in school. Maybe it's because I am constantly expecting more from myself and others around me...and when things do not go my way, I crack.

Why do I like to be happy...or look happy on pictures that I appear in...haha! That was just random.

So yeah back to my expectations: I think I am just not coping well. I expect too much from everything around me. It's like the science of things are just pointing in the oppersite direction when I try to make sense of them. What sort of a person would Jon be without expectations? Without goals? Without plans?

Well he certainly would not be in Sydney today.

I am beginning to find it dragy to wake up in the morning and open my books to work. My mind's thinking: why bother when you aren't even in the mood? I doubt I will wanna try talking it out, least I get labelled as being too co-dependent. I honestly think I can handle my physical survival well enough (well not that history had proved that I can't).

So I was late for lecture because I didn't get my ticket to school today. Silly me. Ok. Get over it.

Note to self: You are becoming really difficult to live with. Yeah I know...which is why I will isolate myself until I get better...haiz...

Sux to know that after all these years, I can still feel that whatever was really important to me was just a fickle bit of my imagination. People hang out with me because I am economically or emotionally useful to them? I don't know, can't answer that myself now can I? I ain't seeking any answers anyways, for now. I'm not questioning the credibility of others here, I'm just not sure if what I was working hard for amounts to anything of substance.

It all just feels so messy. I think I'm going to go out for a night stroll...let the cold air keep me sane for a while...

Jon